Well I've caught another cold.... so far in my chest-we'll see if it migrates to my head.
Thankfully it's Friday and we have a quiet weekend planned.
I like Fran's posts so much I thought I'd post another....
Driving is funny... more gems from the rant department.
Pulling Out. Are you that trouser stain that waits for a while on a side street, watching me approach the whole time, then decides to pull out just after it's too late to do so? Most of the time, you have plenty of time to pull out well before I get there. Just as often, there's nobody behind me - which you can clearly see - but apparently waiting those extra 5 seconds to pull out isn't an option.
Look, I know you've never really forgiven your father for not pulling out when he had the chance, but do you really have to take it out on the rest of us, however symbolically? If you want to prove you know how to pull out, prove it in the bedroom. Your personal responsibility to the gene pool should be to get removed from it.
Paying attention. I mentioned before when discussing cell phones - if you're not paying attention to driving, you are an accident waiting to happen. I've seen this more times than I can count. Somebody behind the wheel of a moving vehicle, in traffic, doing something that isn't "driving" in any sense of the word. The phone call isn't the worst, only the most common.
How about the guy with a cancer stick in one hand, a cheeseburger in another hand, and the aforementioned cell phone in what could only be a third hand? Somewhere in there, he's also talking with his hands - because... well... you know... he has to emphasize something important and wants to make sure the person on the other end of the cell phone understands him clearly. Which hand is he driving with? For that matter, which brain is he driving with? Many people I see nowadays can't do more than one thing at a time, and for most even that one is pretty difficult to handle alone.
You've seen the girl putting on her makeup while driving. I have to ask - what good does that do? Aside from the obvious problem that she's not paying attention - how about the condition of the roads? The roads around here are so bad that anybody putting on makeup in a moving car (even a passenger) will have to wash it all off and try again when they get to work.
If you do your makeup in the car every day, that's not a clue that you're well practiced at it, it's a clue that you have a problem that needs to be fixed. Why can't you just get up 5-10 minutes earlier and do it at home? If it takes more than 5-10 minutes to dress up your face, you're either using way too much makeup, or you're a hopeless case and the makeup ain't really gonna help. And don't tell me you need it for work. If it's that necessary in your line of work - whether it be a tv personality, a model, a stripper, or even a bar ho - trust me, they won't be offended if you do your makeup when you get there. In fact, if it's that critical, they might even have people who were hired specifically to do it for you.
Ever see that guy who reads in the traffic jam? You can always count on him to not pay attention just enough to be late when he needs to creep forward. It sucks large and hairy monkey ass to be behind him, but I suppose he comes in handy if you want to change lanes - he never moves until well after the guy in front of him does and often leaves a nice opening for you to get into. But then again, he also times his moves without looking, so rest assured he's going to hit you if you happen to catch him just as he's about to find out the butler didn't do it after all.
Yo-I hear they have these new things called "Books-On-Tape". Only been in production for 50 or 60 odd years, so I'm sure you might still find one if you look hard enough. They even came out with "Books-On-CD" about 20 or so years ago. And if you happen to have an iPod, they even have "Books-On-iPod" now called "Audiobooks" that you can get from iTunes.
Wow! It's amazing what you can find when you pull your head out of your ass.
To the commenter who had issues with the Fran Clan's post I put on here please check their site...
http://69.139.128.77/stil/index.php
Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using
so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! There would be 11
million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down, bring
our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they catch an illegal
immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and
ship him to Iraq. Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve
a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax
him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he
defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal
patriot. This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a
solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life
for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without
the canteen, rifle or ammo.
Problem solved. If you think this is a good solution to both of the
problems, forward it to your friends. I just did!
Courtesy of Missy.
1. Are you a morning person? What's your ideal time to get out of bed? Why?
Not real early....I like 9-10am lately.
2. What is your morning schedule like?
If the pups let me sleep, then I'm up at 9 or 10...let them out in the backyard. Check my network see if SETI is running on all my systems. Hang with the pups...then nap time...then up at 11:30-12, eat and do chores until I leave for work between 1:30-2pm.
3. Do you like the sun being out and the birds chirping when you wake up, or do you prefer the opposite? Why?
I love it.....very relaxing.
Loved it so much I'm republishing it...
From The Fran Clan:
Yes - it's about driving. These have been building up for a while...
Lane ending: Here's a hint, when the lane you are in is ending - change lanes before it ends. I don't care whether it's an on-ramp, an exit, a slow hill lane, or a lane closure - if it goes away, get the fuck out of it before you run out of lane. Moving over at the last second without looking might work sometimes, but your luck will eventually run out. Especially if I'm around - I will try to block you if I see you do it, just to drive the point home. You have to plan lane changes. If you have an opportunity to change lanes early, take it. It is not ok to change lanes faster than you change your mind. Learn this or else... it's been this way for a long time and isn't going to change anytime soon. If you have a death wish, find a road leading to a cliff and drive over it. You will only be missed by the accidents you don't cause. The time you spend in the hospital will do the rest of us some good.
Trucks: Semis. 18-wheelers. Tractor Trailers. Moving vans. Construction Vehicles. I really don't give a shit what you're hauling, but if you're not hauling ass, stay the fuck out of the left lane. Seriously. And don't get me started if there's a hill involved. Trust me, your vehicle can't go any faster in the left lane than it can in the right lane. 99 times out of 100, trucks passing trucks will end up with the trucks pacing each other - blocking both lanes for extended periods of time. Please, just let the rest of us get by. Stop the congestion before you start it.
Cell phones: You are behind the wheel of a moving vehicle, something that can cause a considerable amount of damage to other vehicles, other people and/or yourself. You are driving fast enough to kill large animals and pedestrians if you manage to hit one. If you stop paying attention to what's going on around your car, then you are a statistic waiting to happen. If that phone call is more important than paying attention to your driving, then pull the fuck over. Added bonus - you might not kill anyone. Today.
Gas pedal: Push the damn thing, will you? It's not as fragile as you think. In fact, I'm willing to bet it was made to be pushed. Yes, with your foot. I'm pretty sure of it. Believe me when I tell you that it won't break if you push it just a little bit harder. I'm not asking you to go faster than the speed limit, but I would be happy if you at least approached it once in a while.
Cell phones part duh: What's up with this walkie-talkie bullshit? Clue-time: walkie-talkie mode is not the same as hands-free mode. This is you being lazy. If you can't expend the extra effort it will take to raise the phone 3 more friggin' inches to hold it to your head, then you deserve the accident you're about to cause. Besides, you're not being lazy hard enough. I use a bluetooth headset. I can talk to my wife on the way home from work just like I do when she is in the car with me - without changing a thing about my driving or even taking my eyes off the road. Guess what! It came free with my phone. Guess what! One just like it comes free (or very cheaply) with every new phone from all of the major carriers. Get one. The life you save might be my own.
A friend just got back from a holiday skiing trip to Utah with the
kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody’s heart.
Conditions were perfect…12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic
numbness all over…the “Tell me when we’re having fun” kind of day.
One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a rest room. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go away. If you’ve ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know that a temperature of 12 below doesn’t help matters. With time running out, the woman weighed her options. Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all-white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods and no one would even notice. He assured her, “The white will provide more than adequate camouflage.”
So she headed for the tree line, began lowering her ski pants and proceeded to do her thing. If you’ve ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is a right way and wrong way to set your skis so you don’t move.
Yup, you got it!!! She had them positioned the wrong way. Steep slopes are not forgiving…even duri ng the most embarrassing moments. Without warning, the woman found herself skiing backward, out-of-control, racing through the trees…somehow missing all of them and onto another slope. Her derriere and the reverse side were still bare, her pants down around her knees, and she was picking up speed all the while. She continued backwards, totally out-of-control, creating an unusual vista for the other skiers. The woman skied back under the lift and finally collided violently with a pylon.
The bad news was that she broke her arm and was unable to
pull up her ski pants. At long last her husband arrived, putting an end to her nudie show, then summoned the ski patrol. They transported her to a hospital.
While in the emergency room, a man with an obviously broken leg was put in the bed next to hers. “So, how’d you break your leg?” she asked, making small talk. “It was the stupidest thing you ever saw,” he said. “I was riding up this ski lift and suddenly, I couldn’t believe my eyes! There was this crazy woman skiing backward, out-of-control, down the mountain, with her bare bottom hanging out of her pants. I leaned over to get a better look and fell out of the lift.” … “So, how’d you break your arm?