Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
words back... or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the
Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
then immediately turned around and walked back out, and never went back.
My husband didn't say a word ... he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who
works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I
looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men’s balls"
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy
behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm
just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The
boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my
sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I
told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just
as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma
that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was
deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what
they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of
the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door
closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him
constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I
smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old
daughter, she was clean. The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in
a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept
thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any
clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an
accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time,
"Danny did you have an accident?
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his
cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly
choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and
sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best
laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's
that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to
leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
 | You scored as Captain Spaulding. You are Captain Spaulding. You love a good laugh, but when someone needs to die, you dont mind killing them. You hate people who dont like clowns, and feel they should die too. Infact, you just want to wreak havoc on anyone who hates clowns! Then enjoy a nice bucket of fried chicken after the daily killings!
Which Horror Killer are You? created with QuizFarm.com |
AAGGHH I HATE DHL!!!!
Two days now I've been waiting for packages with new systems.
1) Monday-I fell asleep on the couch. The dogs woke me up growling at the window which usually means someone is in the front yard.
I got in my wheelchair in time to see him walk away from my front porch, jump in the truck and leave. No knock or doorbell (dogs would've gone ballistic).
I called and left a complaint as they are required to ring the doorbell AND knock on the door according to the Supervisor I talked to.
2) SAME THING today!
I just called them and he showed back up here REAL quick.
As he handed it to me I said, "This is 2 days in a row"
"Yeah sorry man" but he did hand me the package.
Calling his Supervisor back now
56 degrees Sunday...WTF??? Wow......I can deal without a major storm but SOME snow wouldn't be a BAD thing