Hilarious!!!

Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy
all yeer.
yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How
about I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and
write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least
HE can spell!
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for
is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like
for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please ! see what
you can do?
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to
your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to
give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a
dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay, I'll
set you up with a Barbie.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my
face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor?
Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy
making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where
I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind
by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail
waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you
wanted to know.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when
we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good
luck ! in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa
_______________________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please
PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that
crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
_______________________________________________________________

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our
home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting
your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house,
you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside
your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom
window.
Sweet Dreams,
SANTA CLAWS!!!!

Posted by pboulay at December 16, 2005 12:57 PM